The Girl of His Dreams
by victoria p
Summary: Logan touches Rogue again


Title: The Girl of His Dreams  
Author: Victoria P. [vicpusateri@worldnet.att.net]  
Rating: PG-13 - language  
Disclaimer: I know I don't own them and I hope Fox & Marvel know I know.  
Summary: Logan touches Rogue again.  
Archive: Yeah, sure. Just let me know first.  
Feedback: Please? Unless you hate me. You'll see why. Or even then...  
Notes: Thanks to Dot, Jen, Meg and Pete, as usual. Especially Dot - who came up with the title. Um, if you hate it, I'm sorry. I feel awful. I'm a sad little L/R shipper, but I couldn't get this scene out of my head. Blame it on the music: I was listening to "It Could Be Sweet" from Portishead and "Overfire" from THC. God, the notes are longer than the freakin' story. I'll stop now. g  
  
  
The Girl of His Dreams  
  
He knew something was wrong when he walked into the room that night.  
  
Instead of lying in bed, waiting for him, Marie sat, fully clothed, at the desk.  
  
"What's up, kid?" he asked, acting casual though every sense was on alert.  
  
She turned, her eyes larger and darker than usual. "We need to talk."  
  
The four scariest words in the English language.   
  
He walked over, leaned a hip against the desk. He knew how his closeness affected her, and he wasn't disappointed. He heard her heart-rate increase, saw her skin flush and smelled her arousal.  
  
"Okay," he said cautiously.  
  
"We can't do this anymore."  
  
"Look, last night, it was an accident, Marie. I didn't get hurt." He paused. "Well, I didn't get knocked out, anyway. We got a little careless. It was bound to happen. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner." They'd been together for almost a year.  
  
"*I* can't do this anymore." He noted the change in pronouns. She looked down at her gloves, unable to face him as she said the words that would shatter everything she'd ever hoped for. "I know what you were thinking when you touched me." He said nothing, waiting.   
  
"I thought I could do it, you know. I thought I could put up with anything, just to be with you, but I can't. I can't take knowing that while you're fucking me," she deliberately used the crudest word she could think of and he said, "Marie!" in protest, but she didn't stop, "you're imagining Jean. Is that why you never say my name?"   
  
It was the last thing he'd expected to hear. He had no response.  
  
"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it were some nameless stripper, or a woman from your past. I know all about them. How do you think I know what you like?  
  
"But to know that you're thinking of *her* -- and she's in the next room with her *husband*--" her voice broke and she stopped, obviously exerting very tight control over herself.  
  
"I can't be second best anymore. I deserve better." He reached out to touch her hair, but she moved away.   
  
"Marie, I--"  
  
"No explanations, no questions asked. Isn't that what we agreed when this whole thing," she gestured toward the bed, "started? It is what it is. I understand that. I understand *you*.   
  
"But I just can't love you, while you pretend I'm someone else. If you don't love Marie, she doesn't exist. I'm simply Rogue -- alone and untouchable." She took a deep breath. "Maybe that's best."  
  
She finally raised her face to him. He couldn't meet her eyes.   
  
For the past year she'd told herself that he loved her, that Jean was just a passing fancy -- lust and the normal human desire to have what's forbidden. He'd come to her on her nineteenth birthday and told her he wanted to be with her. He'd never said he loved her. He was Logan -- she'd never expected him to.   
  
But last night, as he moved over her, and his cheek brushed her chin, she'd seen that when he closed his eyes, it was Jean he imagined panting beneath him, Jean's lips he wanted to taste without the barrier of silk between them, and Jean's voice moaning his name as she came.  
  
He finally spoke, after the silence had stretched too long. At least he had enough respect for her not to lie, or try to deny it.   
  
His shoulders slumped. "I never meant to hurt you."  
  
"I know." More silence. Then, "I think you should leave."  
  
He walked out without another word.   
  
~End~  
  
  
  
Blame these two songs...  
  
It Could Be Sweet - Portishead  
  
I don't want to hurt you,   
No reason have I for fear,   
I ain't guilty of crimes accused before,   
But I'm guilty of fear.   
I'm certain that,   
But I'm scared of what we're creating,   
This love affair.   
  
You don't get something for nothing,   
Too now,   
Got to try a little harder,   
It could be sweet.  
Like a long forgotten dream.   
  
And we don't need them,   
To cast the fate we have,   
Love don't always shine through,   
'Cause I don't want to lose,   
What we had last time you're leaving,   
This love affair.   
  
You don't get something for nothing,   
Too now,   
Got to try a little harder,   
It could be sweet,   
  
But the thoughts we try to deny,   
Take a toll upon our lives.   
Struggle on in depths of pride,   
Tangled up in single lives   
'Cause I don't want to lose,   
What we had last time you're leaving,   
This love affair.   
  
You don't get something for nothing,   
Turn back,   
Got to try a little harder.   
'Cause I don't want to lose,   
What we had last time you're leaving,   
This love affair.   
You don't get something for nothing,   
Turn back,   
Got to try a little harder,   
It could be sweet.  
  
Overfire - THC  
I'll take you up above ground  
over filth, over fire  
newly emerged from damp rich earth  
every inch a new sensation  
stretches me out of my head  
out of my head in to his  
to taste and smell myself  
  
I'll take you up above ground  
over filth, over fire  
beyond everyday more than life  
over filth, over fire  
  
More flesh wrapped around me  
more weight on my limbs  
more teeth, more hands, more heat  
more breath down my throat  
More flesh wrapped around me  
more weight on my limbs  
more teeth, more hands, more heat  
more breath down my throat  
  
more teeth, more hands, more heat  
more breath down my throat  
  
I'll take you up above the ground  
over filth, over fire  
  
out of my head into yours  
to taste and smell myself  
Over filth, overfire  
  
  



End file.
